


The Right Questions

by Arktikko



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: But just a little, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mostly Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-12 22:26:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11746440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arktikko/pseuds/Arktikko
Summary: ”Can I sit here?”Chirrut turned around, prepared to have to run from another weird old guardian who was going to ask him to stop glaring or start bathing or stop running and hiding, which was kind of what he was doing now as well, sitting at the far end of the dining hall, away from other kids who looked at him weird. He had been wrong though. Behind him wasn’t any of the guardians or the disciples. It was one of the other kids, a human boy, about the same age as him, looking at him with big brown watery eyes that looked so nervous Chirrut was sure the boy was going to start crying before he could answer the question.---Baze asks and Chirrut answers.Excerpts of their life growing up from kids to young adults.





	The Right Questions

**Author's Note:**

> This is the spiritassassin fanworks exchange fic for dibsonmehhh on tumblr. The prompt was "Teeth rotting sweetness, bonus if it's hot". If I'm honest, this kind of did get away from me and created a life of its own in a way, so I ended up adding just a smidge of angst to make the sweetness more potent. I really hope it's what you wanted and that you like it! It was a good prompt and I raise my hat to you for that. 
> 
> Please enjoy!

”Can I sit here?”

 

Chirrut nearly jumped out of his seat and instantly felt stupid. He still couldn’t quite convince himself he was safe here, no matter what the guardians kept saying. They were all old and stuffy and they said weird things about him and how he could feel the Force and they smelled like spices and it was all too much for him. Part of him preferred the simplicity of what his life had been before all this when he had been by himself. He had been without a home but he hadn't had to deal with the robes and the rules and the stuffy old temple that was so old and dusty and huge it felt like he was just about to fall down some crack in the floor or suffocate under the weight of it all. The years it had stood here had been carved into every surface and stone and they were infinite while Chirrut was only nine. That head start really annoyed him. 

 

Chirrut turned around, prepared to have to run from another weird old guardian who was going to ask him to stop glaring or start bathing or stop running and hiding, which was kind of what he was doing now as well, sitting at the far end of the dining hall, away from other kids who looked at him weird. He had been wrong though. Behind him wasn’t any of the guardians or the disciples. It was one of the other kids, a human boy, about the same age as him, looking at him with big brown watery eyes that looked so nervous Chirrut was sure the boy was going to start crying before he could answer the question. They were both wearing the same acolyte garments, though it was obvious the boy was comfortable in them in a way Chirrut wasn’t. He had probably grown up at the temple like most of the kids and was comfortable with these weird halls and their weird occupants as well. The thought, and by extension the boy, annoyed Chirrut. He had half a mind to tell him to leave him alone but then the boy sniffled and he couldn’t be bothered. He huffed and leant back against the wall.

 

”You can do whatever, no one is stopping you,” Chirrut said and the boy looked at him for a while, long enough that it seemed like he was about to walk away, but then he sat down and leant awkwardly against the wall as well, evidently copying Chirrut. Chirrut snorted and the boy looked at him again with those big brown eyes.

 

”I’ll just sit here…” he said shyly and Chirrut huffed again with less confidence. They sat like that for a while in complete silence. Chirrut had expected the boy to start talking, maybe call him names, or run away from him or ask him stupid and annoying questions like the others but the boy wasn’t doing any of that. He just sat there, either stealing glances at Chirrut – who was now staring him– or looking around. He looked like a perfect picture of contentment if not for his watery eyes and flushed cheeks. Chirrut was getting frustrated. 

 

”What do you want?” He finally blurted out, tired with whatever game this was. The boy turned towards him, confusion clear in his features.

 

”Wha-”

 

”I said, what do you want? Why aren’t you with them?” Chirrut waved a hand towards the group of the kids at the other end of the hall. 

 

The boy blushed, his eyebrows crinkling with embarrassment and Chirrut found that somehow he couldn’t hate him as easily as the other kids. This annoyed him too so he glared at the boy even harder. The boy wasn’t looking at him though, his eyes were glued to the ground and he was twining his fingers in his robes. 

 

”I… I wanted for us to be friends…” he said after a while, voice wavering a bit ”… but I know you don’t like it when people talk to you so I thought I could just… sit,” the boy said, blushing even more. Chirrut frowned.  

 

”Don’t you have friends?” he asked. The boy winced. 

 

”Some but… I don’t really get along with a lot of people.” 

 

Chirrut considered him. He didn’t seem mean or scary. He had a soft voice and kind eyes. He seemed nice and polite, everything that Chirrut wasn’t.  There was something about him, a feeling, the kind of feeling that he got sometimes that the Guardians had been so interested in, that told Chirrut the boy was just as soft inside as he seemed outside. Chirrut couldn’t understand why anyone would not want to be friends with him. His frown deepened. 

 

”Weird, I would have thought you had a lot of friends,” he said and the boy blushed some more, but this time there was something like a shocked smile on his face. Chirrut decided he didn’t mind it so much. It still didn’t make any sense though. 

 

”Why me? Everyone says I’m scary” Chirrut said, and the boy looked at him, big eyes wide.

 

”You kind of are…” he said, and this time he was looking Chirrut in the eyes. ”… but they also say I’m dumb so I don’t really listen to them a lot”. Chirrut blinked and the boy looked back down again.   

 

They sat in silence for a while, Chirrut looking at the boy curiously and the boy inspecting the old stone floor with admirable effort. 

 

Then Chirrut nodded to himself and turned towards the boy.

 

”I’m Chirrut.”

 

”I know.”

 

Chirrut made a face.

 

”Oh! I’m Baze.” 

 

”Baze...” Chirrut tried the name out in his mouth and compared it to the impression he had gotten of the shy boy sitting in front of him. The two seemed to go together nicely. 

 

”Okay. We can be friends.” 

 

”Really?” The shock was obvious on Baze’s face and Chirrut laughed.

 

”Yeah really! And actually, I do like it when people talk to me, just not when they’re annoying and you’re not annoying so it’s fine.” He got up and extended a hand to Baze who was gaping at him. The more he thought about it the more it made sense. Besides he had been starting to get bored with getting in trouble by himself all the time. 

 

”I have an idea. Wanna do something fun?

 

——

  
  


”Can I come over there?”

 

”mmphf.”

 

”Chirrut?”

 

”mmmm?”

 

”Are you asleep?”

 

Chirrut blinked, trying to force himself to understand what was happening. He was in his cot because he could feel the stone under him pressing against his hip where he had been lying on it. It had to be after midnight because NaJedha was peeking through the blinds on the other side of the hall and the whole room was swimming in red. Or then that might be the side effect of how tired he was, either or. 

 

”Hey? I said, are you asleep?”

 

”Well, I was until a minute ago,” he mumbled and heard something shift next to him. 

 

”Oh right, Sorry…” 

 

_ Ah. _ He turned around as fast as he could, which wasn’t very, to see a pair of tired but familiar eyes looking at him apologetically. Chirrut could feel drowsiness being replaced by affection and he smiled toothily at his friend. 

 

”Don’t apologise. What is it?”

 

They had known each other for four years now and as much as it had initially baffled everyone, they got along incredibly well and had by now become mostly inseparable. That was also why in a hall full of dozens of initiates of their age group, they were still given the bunks next to each other. No one wanted to wake up to Chirrut crawling on top of them, which he had proven he was willing to do if Baze ”was taken from him” like he had claimed once. No one minded too much though. It seemed like Baze’s presence had helped Chirrut to acclimatise to the temple. He was almost like any of the other kids his age now, if not slightly more of everything somehow, louder, funnier, scarier and more troublesome. Baze on his behalf had gotten slightly more confident and willing to stand up for himself, though it hadn’t been once or twice they had heard the elders lamenting the unfortunate trouble their most studious pupil had seemed to suddenly end up in far more often. Still, it was the general consensus that the two boys seemed to benefit from each other's friendship far more than the temple suffered from it–which wasn’t an insignificant amount according to several frustrated teachers–and that trying to break them apart would be much more trouble than it was worth. Chirrut would make sure of it.

 

It didn’t seem like the time for trouble making right now though. The red of NaJedha wasn’t bright but it was enough for him to see Baze’s features scrunched in that familiar frown, the sad, kind of embarrassed one. He had a whole list of Baze's micro expressions in his memory already. Besides, he could feel something was wrong. The Elders said it was the Force he felt but if that was true, Chirrut thought it weird. The Force was supposed to be in everything but he only really felt it this strongly with Baze. 

 

”I can’t sleep,” Baze said after a while. ” I thought you might be awake, I’m sorry.” He was looking at the ground, embarrassed. Chirrut frowned and flicked his nose.

 

”What did I just say about apologising?” He looked at Baze and wondered if tickling him to make him laugh would work but decided against it as the people around them were sleeping and they had been yelled at for having tickle fights that ruined into wrestling matches frequently enough already.

 

”You said something else,” Chirrut said suddenly like he had had an epiphany. Baze looked up at him.

 

”When?”

 

”Before you asked me if I was asleep. You said something else and I didn’t hear what it was.” To Chirrut’s surprise, Baze blushed.

 

”Oh, it was nothing,” Baze mumbled. Chirrut grinned and poked him sharply in the ribs

 

”Ow! What was that for?” Chirrut stuck his tongue out.

 

”For lying. I know you said something and you’re not telling me what. Just tell me or I’ll keep doing this,” he said and jabbed at Baze again. Baze huffed, pressed his face against his pillow and mumbled something.

 

”What was that?” Chirrut said, wagging his finger threateningly in the air. Baze groaned and lifted his head.

 

”I said, I asked to come sleep next to you. Because I had a nightmare. It was stupid I’m sorry.” The last words were against the pillow again but Chirrut heard them. He could almost feel the heat coming from Baze’s face and he frowned.

 

When they had first become friends and Chirrut had been still new in the temple, he had quickly gotten the habit of sneaking into Baze’s bed when he had gotten scared in the night. It had taken him a long time to truly settle in the temple and Baze’s presence had at first been one of the only things that would calm him. Similarly, Baze had come to appreciate having Chirrut next to him, because he too had nightmares from time to time, though it didn’t happen as often. They had stopped doing that every night when Chirrut had settled in the temple but for a few years whenever either of them had a nightmare they would still curl up next to each other no questions asked. That had been when they were kids though, they were grownups now. Well, Chirrut thought they were grownups but then again, he was 13 so not a lot of people listened to him. Besides, he thought as he lifted his blanket and crawled quickly under Baze’s, if comforting your sad friend wasn’t mature he didn’t know what was. Baze made a surprised noise as Chirrut burrowed under his blanket and against his side. Chirrut poked him again so he would scoot along and make space, which he did with practice. Once they were settled, Chirrut laid his head on the pillow next to Baze’s so their noses were touching and smiled.

 

”Are you sure about this?” Baze mumbled and Chirrut made a tsk noise.

 

”Too late now, I’m here already. Besides, I was getting kinda cold in my bed if I’m honest,” he lied. Baze huffed again but said nothing and they fell into a silence for a bit, listening to each other breathe so close. 

 

”Do you want to talk about the nightmare?” Chirrut finally said and watched as something flickered in Baze’s eyes. 

 

”Not really,” Baze mumbled and tried to look away from him even though that was pretty difficult as they were face to face. 

 

”Wouldn’t it help?” 

 

Baze was silent for a while.

 

”This helps more.” 

 

Chirrut looked at him for a few seconds and then his mouth pulled into a rare small smile and he closed his eyes. If Baze didn’t want to talk that was fine, at least he had asked for help and Chirrut had been able to give it. He could feel the drowsiness seeping back in. He had always been good at sleeping. He was almost gone already when Baze spoke again, so quiet even he barely heard it. 

 

”I dreamt that I lost you,” Baze said with all the graveness the 14 years he had lived could give him. Chirrut just sighed and brought their foreheads together. 

 

”But you never will” he answered, and it was a vow if he’d ever said one. 

 

—-

  
  


”Can I come in?”

 

_ Hah. _

 

Chirrut’s face split into a grin and he relaxed, dropping his staff against the floor from where it had been posed ready to strike only seconds ago.

 

"Ha! Yeah, come in,"  he said, turning around towards the door where he knew Baze to be standing and he grinned. "I knew you were here! I've been doing more training, connecting more with the Force like we've talked about, and I could tell you were back the moment you stepped into the East Wing and that you were coming to see me, though that wasn't hard to guess.  Also, Baze, it’s a public training room, you can do as you please.” He flashed one of his usual smiles in Baze’s direction and waited for Baze to huff out a laugh. 

 

He didn’t hear it. 

 

All he heard was Baze sighing and walking in. Chirrut peeled off the blindfold he had been wearing to look at his friend and he could just about make out the frown on Baze’s face as he walked towards him. Chirrut's grin softened as Baze stopped in front of him, eyebrows scrunched. Something was wrong, Chirrut could tell by the Force around Baze, but more importantly, he could tell by the look on his face. For anyone else, Baze would have looked normal as he had a habit of looking slightly worried whatever he did, but Chirrut had known him for half of the nearly 18 years of his life and wasn't fooled. The only thing that he didn’t understand was that whenever Baze was as worried as he seemed now he had a habit of internalising those worries and becoming distant. He didn't seem to be doing that now. Chirrut leant forward just slightly and felt something in his chest loosen as Baze leaned in to press their foreheads together in a gesture that was familiar to them. Baze might be worried but he was willing to push that aside in favour of being with Chirrut. Thank the Force. They breathed together for a few heartbeats, reacquainting themselves again.

 

”Hi,” Chirrut said after a while. Baze let out a soft laugh. He had missed that sound. Almost instinctively he brought a hand to cradle Baze’s jaw and the blush rushing to the other boy’s cheeks made his fingers burn. Baze's breath hitched and Chirrut stepped away. He had forgotten this dance already, forgotten that some touches were safe and some weren't, no matter how much he would want them to be. He suppressed a sigh and pressed it behind his teeth to make his grin grow.

 

”Hi yourself,” Baze said, but he wasn't really looking at Chirrut. His face was still burning and his eyes were cast down, looking at Chirrut's feet before they found what they had been looking for. The blindfold Chirrut was holding in his hand. Baze's frown deepened and suddenly Chirrut knew why he was worried. Annoyance prickled at the back of his skull as he took the blindfold into both hands and started playing with it, noticing Baze’s eyes following his movement.

  
  


”So?” Chirrut said after a while ”How was the trip? Meet many cool Jedi?” He sounded airy but neither of them was fooled at this point. Baze's frown deepened and he kept his eyes on the blindfold as Chirrut fiddled with the fabric. 

 

”It was long,” Baze replied. ”Why do you have that?”

 

Chirrut sighed.

 

”This?” He lifted the blindfold and ran it through his fingers and then handed it to Baze who took it reluctantly. ”I need to get used to fighting without sight. It makes more sense to start now than wait,” he said and shrugged. Baze held at the blindfold like it had personally insulted him.

 

”But I thought- How long?” 

 

The words were quiet but Chirrut heard them nonetheless. Something in the way Baze asked it cut at his heart the way any of this hadn’t done in a while. He hadn’t realised how numb he had gotten.

 

”Sooner than we thought, half a year, give or take a few months,” Chirrut repeated the already familiar sentence, hardly hearing the words anymore. He was more focused on the expressions playing on Baze’s face. It struck him, not for the first time, he would soon never see any of those expressions again. The thought settled in with a coldness that ached dully somewhere in his chest but he ignored it and grabbed the blindfold back, tying it over his eyes again. 

 

”Worse things happen to people, all is as the Force wills it,” Chirrut said with a dismissive wave and a smile. ” Besides, I’ve gotten pretty good at this blind fighting thing actually.” His mouth split into an easy, if not completely heartfelt grin. He bowed to Baze and took up the staff he had been holding, taking an offensive stance. ”Try me?” 

 

”Chirrut I’m not sure this is a-” Baze started but Chirrut had realized halfway through the first syllable that he wasn’t actually interested and swung his staff at Baze’s head instead, which he avoided but not by much. 

 

”Chirrut no!” Baze yelled and Chirrut’s grin widened, gaining an edge of danger as he swung immediately back again, trying for Baze’s feet this time and managing to land a blow, but not topple the other boy. Baze swore and jumped at him, trying to land a high kick, which Chirrut avoided easily, stepping to the side and swinging his staff to hit Baze’s back.  Baze stumbled forwards, turned around and bodily launched himself on Chirrut who had been leaning on his staff, sure he had toppled Baze and too smug to notice him fast enough.  He let out a somewhat undignified yelp at the impact. They both landed on the ground with a thud, Chirrut’s staff flying off from his hand. He snarled and tried to wriggle himself free from where he was pinned under Baze by his weight and Baze tried his best to keep him on the ground.

 

”Chirrut will you just stop this!”

”Not until I win!”

 

What resulted was a heated wrestling match which mostly looked like two young men rolling around on the floor and swearing profusely. Baze had gotten bigger while he was away, Chirrut realized as he tried to wrestle him into a headlock. That was a kind of a feat in itself, he hadn’t expected Baze to be able to become any more solid, yet he was being proven wrong in real time. Chirrut gave up on the headlock idea and wrapped his legs around Baze’s midriff in an attempt to full body twist him on his side, but Baze pressed him back against the floor and Chirrut felt his legs spreading wide as he was pinned against the floor by Baze’s bulk and oh no this had been a bad idea, it gave him no leverage and if he didn’t work fast something embarrassing might start to happen and he would rather die than face those consequences. He was going to remember that sensation sometime later in private though. Chirrut managed to wiggle back enough that while Baze leaned away for a breath, he succeeded in pushing Baze hard in the chest with both of his feet, causing the other boy to land on his side, giving Chirrut access to crawl on top of him and pin him down. 

 

”I win!” Chirrut grinned and Baze spluttered trying to push him off

”Chirrut stop! This isn’t a game!” Chirrut frowned.

”You’re just a sore loser because even a blind man could beat you!” He laughed, expecting a jab or a struggle, but there was no answer. Baze went gradually limp like all energy had been drained out of him, leaving Chirrut pinning him down on the floor by the wrists for nothing. 

 

”What are you-” 

 

_ And then he felt it. _

 

The Force he had gotten better at feeling suddenly burst through his senses, making him gasp. He could feel the temple, people in it, a flurry of different emotions they were going through, and he could feel them much stronger than clearer than before. He hardly realized it though, because more than anything else, he could feel Baze, feel his frustration and his tiredness and just how deeply sad and scared he was. Scared for him. Chirrut released Baze’s hands to tear at his blindfold and took it off only to see exactly what he had been fearing.

 

” _ Baze… _ ”

 

Baze was holding back tears, his eyes puffy and filled to the brim. Chirrut leaned down to brush his cheek with his fingers and Baze let out a choked sob, tears rolling down his cheeks. He got off Baze and sat next to him at a loss for what to do. Baze sat up, furiously rubbing his eyes but the tears kept running despite his attempts at stopping them. Chirrut could feel his hand start to shake and balled them into fists at his sides. He was sad to see Baze hurt, he always was. However this time he was also very very angry. 

 

”Baze this is my own damn problem,” his voice was steady but tight with rage he was trying his best to keep in check ”I don’t need your tears”. He looked at Baze who was wiping his eyes and as their eyes locked, Chirrut could see deep sorrow written across his friend’s features, clear as day. 

 

Chirrut burst into a hysterical laughter.

 

”Amazing! I don't even have to wait to be actually blind for you to start pitying me!” Baze gaped at him.

”What? Did you think I was gonna appreciate your tears? That I would love to know how useless you think I’m going to be? Did you really think I was gonna be happy about that?” He snarled, knowing fully well he was probably being unfair but damn it he hadn’t realized Baze thought so little of him.

 

”That’s not what this is about, please just-” Baze took a shaky breath. 

 

”Then what is it about Baze hmm? Because I’m not hearing anything else and last time I checked it was my sight I was losing not my hearing.”

 

”Chirrut I’m not trying to pity you! But. You don’t have to pretend like you’re okay when you’re not. When you can’t be. Don’t do it to yourself, ” he said quietly. Chirrut looked at Baze, Baze who was staring at him now and felt the anger drain out of him just as quickly as it had arrived, leaving him deflated.

 

”All is as the force wills it,” Chirrut said with a shrug. Baze wasn't moved. Chirrut sighed and closed his eyes. 

 

”I just… there is no point for me to keep dwelling on it” He said after a while. ”It’s gonna happen if I think about it or not and I don’t particularly love thinking about it”. Chirrut looked up at Baze who was wiping the last tears from his eyes, something like determination painted across his face. 

 

”Chirrut I.... I understand that, but there is a difference between trying to stay positive and refusing to admit to having feelings that are negative,” Baze said after a while. Chirrut was silent. 

 

Baze was right. He knew that. Had known that already.  Whatever he was doing couldn’t be entirely healthy.  Growing up the way he had, he hadn’t really had the luxury of healthy. Everyone who had ever loved him before Baze were dead, most of them had died in front of him, and if he had stopped to think about it too much when it had happened he would be dead too. To expect him to act differently now when all his life had taught him not to wasn't just unfair, it was impossible. 

 

And yet, he thought as he looked up at his friend next to him, his life wasn't like it had been before. He could have bad days and that was fine. If he scraped his knee or lost his vision, he wasn't alone anymore. He had people who cared about him, he had a whole temple of full of them. And he had Baze. 

 

”I’ll try,” Chirrut said, breaking the silence that had fallen on them. He looked at Baze and tried to impart as much sincerity as he could. ”I’m not good with… well, negative feelings I guess but you are right.” He sighed. ”I can’t talk about it right now I just… I promise I’ll try." He looked at Baze, hoping that he would understand. Baze sniffed once more and took his hand. ”That’s okay, whenever you do want to talk I’ll be here to listen,” he said and gave Chirrut a watery smile.

 

They sat like that for a while, neither letting go of the other's hand.

  
  


”Sooooooo…... Baze?”

 

Of course, Chirrut had never been very good with silences.

 

”What?” 

 

”You never said if you saw any cool Jedi." Baze let out a startled laugh.

 

”You’re gonna be so jealous. I saw so many, and they all had really cool lightsabers,” Baze said and made a whooshing noise as he swung his hand around. Chirrut could feel his face splitting into a grin. 

 

”I bet you didn't actually see any Jedi. I bet you spent the whole time locked in the library and started crying when any of them tried to talk to you about anything but philosophy or books.” Baze punched him on the arm none too lightly and Chirrut laughed. 

 

”Shut up, fool,”  Baze muttered but he was smiling as well. ”I missed you.” Chirrut felt his heart flutter. 

 

”I missed you too.” He answered, feeling a flush on his cheeks. They sat like that for a while. Then Chirrut got up grabbing his staff of the floor. 

 

”Where are you going?”

 

Chirrut flashed him a dazzling smile.

 

”I won easily. Seems like you’ve gotten lazy while you were away. Prove me wrong?” he winked and extended his arm down. Baze flushed but grabbed it, letting himself be pulled up. 

 

”Oh, I will.”

 

——

  
  
  


”Can I kiss you?”

 

The words were quiet, barely audible over the wind whistling this high up but they might as well have been a scream. Chirrut’s mind screeched to a stop like a speeder smashing into canyon side. The words he had never expected to hear yet had fantasized about every night had just slipped past Baze’s lips like they had been waiting for the chance. Chirrut had been hoping that his feelings were not unrequited. He had been praying for a chance to kiss Baze. He had also been spending stupendous amounts of time imagining it, coming up with different versions of the moment that he had now finally managed to find himself in. He could hear Baze’s rapid heartbeat from here and knew he was watching him, probably flushed to the tips of his ears, and oh he must look so lovely, and he had to answer him _ now _ , answer him before he changes his mind and say;  _ yes, Baze please, please kiss me it’s all I’ve been thinking about for several months and I think if you don’t kiss me now I’m actually gonna die. _

 

”WHAT?” he squeaked instead as he felt his knees give out.

  
  


Chirrut had been plunged into a personalized hell after a realization somewhat exactly half a year ago. 

 

The first time he had known he loved Baze they had only known each other for a little while. Shy, sweet, gentle Baze had finally gotten his small square of the acolyte gardens to flower after months of laborious work. It seemed like the soil they had bought on the last supplies trip had been accidentally too acidic and nothing sown in it seemed to want to grow. Practically all other acolytes had already given up, Chirrut after the first week, except for Baze who had cried about every dead plant, but who had believed that with proper care any soil could create life. And he had been right. It had taken him ages but one flower had fought just as hard as he had. When it had finally flowered, it had been bright blue and all the grownups had said it was the most beautiful flower they had ever seen. Baze had immediately picked it out and given to Chirrut because he had been in the infirmary with a high fever at the time and Baze had thought he needed it more than the garden did. Feverish, looking at the small flower, barely the size of his palm, Chirrut remembered thinking that he had accidentally succeeded in the impossible and found a perfect person in Baze. He had paid back the gesture as soon as he got out of bed by going to town and buying a bouquet of huge blue flowers and a jar of flower seeds for Baze to which Baze had reacted to by bursting into tears.

 

After that, the feeling had never gone away. He had loved Baze, and even after he started loving other people in the temple, Baze had had a special position as the first one. That had been the status quo for years, and he had been happy. 

 

However, somewhere along the line things had started to change. 

 

Chirrut hadn’t been the only teen in the temple whose hormones had seemed to have bested him, but that hadn’t made him feel any better. Especially since his attention and interest seemed to mostly be directed towards his best friend. It would have been manageable if it hadn’t turned out that sweet soft Baze suddenly hit a turning point in his teenage years, after which he seemed to only be able to grow bigger and stronger. His voice turned into a soft low rumble yet his face never lost its softness nor his eyes the gentle but melancholy glint that seemed to always shimmer just below their surface, and Chirrut had to wonder if he had done something specifically horrific to deserve this. 

 

He chalked it all up to lust and teenage hormones and tried not to think about it. The guardians and disciples considered such things normal and as he grew better at zama shiwo, he grew better at controlling his body and it’s unfortunate reactions. The whole mess was manageable as long as he tried his best to avoid staring when Baze walked past, or laughed, or sparred or took his shirt off to do any of the many jobs requiring physical labour around the temple, or looked his way, or did anything really which was difficult as he also tried to spend as much time with Baze as humanly possible. So he wasn’t very good at this whole self-control thing when it came to Baze, but hey, life is practice. It didn’t matter that only talking to Baze could lift his spirits like nothing else, that seeing his face made something in Chirrut's heart grow, that if someone were to ask him if he saw himself happy in the future, the answer was yes but only with Baze. Baze was his best friend and he was just being tormented by normal teenage hormones. That was fine. He was fine. He had to be.

 

Chirrut had realized he was in love with Baze slightly over half a year ago, three nights after Baze had come back from the Jedi temple. After sparring they had spent most of their time together, training and talking about Baze’s trip. On that third night, Chirrut had woken up from a nightmare and climbed to this same balcony they were standing on now to calm down. He had looked down at the city below him, at the lights and the people and the speeders and suddenly, it had all crashed down on him. He had been red faced and out of breath from crying by the time Baze found him. But Baze had found him. He had found him and he had held him without words because there had been nothing he could have said and Chirrut had cried and cried and thought about how glad he was that despite everything Baze was willing to be there for him. When the sun had finally come up, Baze had helped him up, squeezed his hand, kissed his temple and led him back to their dorm. It was during that moment, stepping down from the balcony into the temple, holding Baze’s hand like a lifeline, he had also realized he was hopelessly, desperately, in love. 

 

After that, things had been strange. He had no sight now, something he was probably not supposed to be this  blasé about, but it seemed like after that night on the balcony and the realisation he had had, numbness seemed more manageable than all the other emotions he was going through. He appeared mostly normal to others, still playful, still exuberant, still too much to handle, but underneath he was going through multiple emotions per minute, most of them having to do with Baze. Love for him, fear of losing him, fear of being discovered, joy at being around him, lust for him, love again, strange jealousy when people were too friendly with him, anger at himself and his stupid situation. Most of all, a steadily growing desperation, and the horrifying knowledge that this couldn't go on forever. 

 

Chirrut was in love with Baze. He could not survive losing him. He also wanted to have sex with him  _ a lot _ but that was beside the point. These were all facts. Another fact was that there were things that he could do that might drive Baze away. One of those things might be grabbing him by the collar and kissing him, an urge which Chirrut had had to fight for a while now for that specific reason. He would rather die than live without Baze yet, he was not patient nor good with self-control. That meant that he might also die from living with Baze via his heart giving out due to over-exertion because of how hard it beat anytime Baze even touched him but that seemed like a preferable way to go compared to losing Baze.

 

He loved Baze and he couldn’t do anything about it. 

One of these days he was going to have a heart attack. 

 

It was admittedly all very dramatic but he was 18 years old and dramatic was practically half of his personality anyway. 

 

Then tonight had happened. The festival of bonds, a celebration of the relationships people had with each other–whether familiar, communal or personal–had been ongoing for the last week, gaining steam as it approached the biggest celebration on the last day. Over the course of 24 hours the whole of Jedha came together to celebrate each other, play music and dance through the night. The temple was not excluded from this celebration, rather it was the crown jewel of it. Acolytes of all ages had spent most of the week decorating the halls and putting up lights and making food and preparing the temple for the flow of people that were going to dance through its halls. Chirrut loved this time of year, always had, dancing and singing being some of his favourite hobbies, though he was much better at former than the latter. Baze enjoyed it too but found less fun in crowds and noise than Chirrut did. Most of his enjoyment came from the actual subject of the celebration, other people. Feeling the happiness around him, seeing people smiling, kids laughing, people kissing, spending time with loved ones. Baze had told him that when they had finally managed to escape the crowds to the balcony they were now standing on. He had looked at Chirrut as he said it and a stronger man might not have had the urge to get on his knees to perform some unspeakable things at such innocuous words. Unfortunately, it was exactly the sweetness of Baze that was so attractive to him... and besides, Chirrut had come to the realization that concerning his feelings towards Baze, he was a weak man, a man easily affected, and there was nothing he could do about that. 

 

They had been standing on the balcony for a while, mostly in silence, content to listen to the music played in the temple courtyard below and enjoy a small moment of peace between just the two of them. Chirrut had asked Baze to describe the scene below them, something he’d started to do only very recently, but which had quickly become one of his favourite pastimes. Baze had a talent for focusing on what was important, not how many objects there were in a room but what the room felt like. As he had listened to Baze’s warm rumbling voice, telling him about the smiles on people’s faces and how the twinkles of the lanterns in the rafters made it look like the stars had come down to celebrate with them, he realized that they had been so busy with the celebration that this was the first time they’d really talked to each other all week. Chirrut had felt himself relax. Despite his internal struggles recently, there truly was nothing he loved better than spending time with Baze, no matter how close his body came to collapsing each time. 

 

And then it had happened. 

 

” -and everyone is wearing their best silks tonight. They seem to be having fun, I don’t see anyone who- oh! Um…”

 

”What?”

 

”There’s a couple making out on a balcony on the other side of the courtyard… and they’re going at it hard. They’re uh... Okay maybe making out was the wrong word, they seem to be eating each other’s faces.” Baze had sounded so scandalized that Chirrut had had to laugh. 

 

” _ Well _ this is a festival about relationships, you could argue they’re celebrating.” Chirrut had grinned. ”But I guess if they’re being indecent…”

 

”Oh  _ they are _ .” Baze had been silent for a while. And then he had coughed.  

 

”About relationships and uh, emotional bonds I umm…  _ Force I’m bad at this _ ,” Baze had said, sounding strained. “Chirrut… I know I’m not good with words but…I was just wondering if you …I guess what I’m trying to ask is… D-do you know how much you mean to me?” By the end, Baze had almost sounded like he was in pain. It was weird, Chirrut had thought, how hard it had been for Baze to just say that they were friends. They had always been close, that wasn’t a secret. 

 

”Yes Baze, I do” Chirrut had said and turned away, smiling to himself. Now if only Baze knew how much he meant to Chirrut, he had thought, almost smug. But Baze wouldn’t figure it out, Baze was clueless about these things. 

 

And then Baze had asked to kiss him.

 

And then Chirrut had nearly fallen over the parapet as his knees had given out. 

 

“WHAT?”

 

”I, uhh, b- but you said you knew how I…. Xi-Na said I was being so obvious you  _ had _ to know!” Baze’s pitch was uncharacteristically ear piercing, and had Chirrut been paying attention he might have felt the waves of embarrassment and terror exploding through the Force around Baze, but Chirrut was unable to focus on that as right that moment there were thousands of thoughts running through his head at speeds he had previously thought his brain incapable of. Most of them fell somewhere between  _ Baze wants to kiss me, I’m gonna die, wait why does Xi-Na know about Baze’s feelings when I don’t _ and  _ AAAAAAAHHH. _

 

”Chirrut, Force I’m so sorry. Please, let’s just forget this ever happened. I’m gonna- I’m gonna go somewhere, I don’t...” Baze kept babbling and started turning away. 

_ No.  _

At once all the thoughts in his head cleared, leaving him with only one undeniable fact: Baze was T minus 2 seconds away from running off and if he didn’t do something now he might miss the only chance he would ever get at true happiness. 

 

Baze made a leap towards the door. He had to act fast. 

 

In a composed twirl the zama-shiwo instructors would have been proud of, Chirrut turned round, grabbed Baze by the hand, directing his momentum towards him instead of the door and pulled him gracefully into a kiss. 

 

Or he tried at least. What ended up happening was him missing Baze’s hand and grasping his sleeve instead, yanking it so hard Baze tripped towards Chirrut and their mouths smashed together with painful force. Chirrut pulled away swearing and rubbing his chin and Baze just stood frozen in place. Judging by the taste of metal on Chirrut's lips from where they had collided with Baze’s, his lip was also bleeding from the impact. 

 

Chirrut flashed him what he hoped was a comforting smile, though it was probably more like a grimace. 

 

”I don’t understand...” Baze finally choked out.

 

”You have feelings for me.”

 

”… well yes, I understand  _ that _ , but I thought- ”

 

”I have feelings for you too. Like, a lot of them.”

 

”But you-”

 

”Thought that you were talking about your feelings for me as a friend. And then I had a minor meltdown when I realized that you weren’t.”

 

”So you-”

 

”Want to kiss you too? Yes.  _ A lot _ . Too much. For a long time now.” He bit his lip and Baze made a sound like he was laughing and choking at the same time. Slowly, deliberately, Chirrut stepped closer to Baze, bringing his hand up to cup his chin, almost afraid Baze was going to run away again. He felt Baze blush, heard him gasp and, oh, Chirrut could have gotten drunk on the thought of how he apparently could make Baze gasp now. Slowly, carefully, he brought his other hand to rest on Baze’s shoulder.

 

”That first kiss was a bit too, uh,  _ powerful _ . Do you think we could maybe try again?” Chirrut spoke into the space between them, which was getting smaller by the second. They were so close now. Baze smelled like clean sweat and the temple incense. Chirrut could feel Baze’s breath on his lips, heard him swallow. Heat bloomed somewhere deep in his chest, making his breathing shallow and fast. Baze was trembling but his hand slowly fell on Chirrut’s hip, the touch weighing on him like an anchor.

 

”Are you sure?” Baze asked against his lips, worry so clear in his voice. Chirrut’s knees were liquid as he closed the distance between them, sighing the answer into the kiss. 

 

“ _ Yes _ .”

 

Baze’s lips were warm and dry and tasted slightly of copper. His breathing stuttered and as they kissed Chirrut knew he had never been so sure about anything else in his life. 

 

\---

 

”Can I touch you?” 

 

Chirrut giggled where he was draped next to Baze, their noses bumping.  

 

”You’re saying that like we’re not touching right now,” he said punctuating the comment with a kiss to Baze’s throat, and a yank on his ear. Baze made a sound between a laugh and a groan and Chirrut smiled smugly into his collarbone. 

 

They had done this a lot recently. Ever since celebration two weeks ago, exceeding amounts of their time had been spent doing just this, lying tangled together in their tiny shared room, deep in the bowels of the temple, trading each other kisses and sighs. They had already washed and changed into their sleeping clothes, intending to turn in for the night, but then beds had been pushed together as had been bodies and lips and then the track of time had flown out of the small air ventilation shaft that they jokingly called their window. When their mouths weren’t being smashed together, kissing Baze was just as wonderful as Chirrut had imagined it would be. Baze had not kissed anyone before he had kissed Chirrut that night at the festival but he was just as fast at learning this as he was at learning anything else, and they had been doing awfully little else besides studying. Chirrut was maybe more adventurous with his kisses but Baze always followed his lead and besides, he made the loveliest noises. Chirrut had created a game out of trying to hear them as often as he could. 

 

”Yes true, but I guess that wasn’t…that wasn’t exactly what I meant.” Baze laughed again but it sounded more nervous this time, more forced. Chirrut raised an eyebrow and lifted his head from where he had been pressing kisses to Baze’s collarbone so Baze could see him do it.

 

”Oh? What did you mean then?” 

Baze coughed. Carefully, like he was afraid his touch burned, he took his hand from where it had been resting on Chirrut’s shoulder and slowly moved it to the base of his spine. _ Oh. _ Chirrut’s mouth split into a hyena like grin.

 

”O-only if you want to though… I  mean I know you’ve um, done this before, and I haven’t and I know that I’m not that attractive-” Chirrut slapped a hand on Baze’s mouth, shutting him up as fast as he could. 

 

”What. Are you talking about?” He asked, incredulous. Baze smiled weakly under his hand and Chirrut lifted it off, hoping that his glare was confused and menacing enough to impart just how much he did not understand or approve of what Baze was saying. 

 

”Well, I mean. I’m not experienced. Also I uh-” Baze started, trailing off and Chirrut could feel the blush rising to Baze's cheeks as he struggled with the words. Chirrut poked him in the ribs. 

 

”Hey!”

 

”Keep going or I’m gonna keep doing that,” Chirrut said with as much menace as he could muster. Baze blushed some more.

 

”I uh… okay. I heard you last night,” he mumbled. 

 

Chirrut coughed. 

 

”I thought you were asleep,” he said sheepishly and Baze shrugged. 

 

”I couldn't fall asleep...I thought that maybe if you had wanted to do this with me, you would have asked me to uh, help you and not, you know, do it by yourself… I figured that you must have been thinking about something o-or someone else then. And that’s fine! Really! I’m okay with just this! I’m okay with less even. Actually, if you decide you wanna never kiss me again, you can do that, that’s fine I don’t wanna pressure you I-” Chirrut slapped a hand on Baze’s mouth again and groaned, rolling onto his back.

 

It was true that they hadn’t ventured beyond kissing yet. It was also true that it had something to do with Baze’s inexperience but not in the way Baze seemed to think. He pinched his nose and tried not to have a headache. 

 

”Baze….I do want you. A lot. For such a long time that I was afraid if I let it all out at once I might be a bit… too much? I just want you to feel comfortable. That’s why I’ve been, well, doing what you saw me do last night,” he said turning to Baze and cupping his chin. Baze was still radiating heat he noticed as he ran his thumb across Baze’s cheek to his lower lip. Chirrut’s mouth twisted into a grin again.

 

”I actually was thinking of you last night, you know? How good you taste, the noises you make, how much I sometimes just want to wrap myself around you and never let you leave.”  Baze’s gasp was scandalized and Chirrut giggled.

 

”Why are you surprised? You are the sweetest, most handsome boy in the whole of Jedha. Don’t argue with me it’s true. You’re big and strong and tough, yet your eyes are kind and your smile is sweet and your ears are red. People swoon after you, you know? I swoon after you. Sometimes all I can think of is how much I want you, how much I would love to know what you sound like with my hand on your cock. When you’re too far gone to remember anything but my name and how good you feel.” Baze made a choked sound. Chirrut laughed again and leaned in to swallow it, kissing him with newfound vigour. 

 

”So you do want me?” Baze gasped after they broke for air and Chirrut wished he could still roll his eyes.

 

”Yes, you fool. I do.  _ A lot. _ So are you going to do something about it or should I?”

 

“What do you want me to do?”

 

With seemingly sudden grace, Chirrut sat up, stretched and peeled off his night shirt, tossing it on the floor. Baze gasped behind him and Chirrut didn’t bother to suppress a smug smirk.

 

”Sit up and lean against the wall,” he said with calm collectedness that barely managed to hide his own excitement. Baze scrambled to follow his orders, letting out something akin to a whine when Chirrut straddled his lap. He laughed and stole a kiss from Baze. As they broke for air, Chirrut bit lightly on Baze’s lower lip and he actually trembled, his face burning and his breathing becoming shallow. Chirrut's smug smile turned into a full blown shit eating grin.

 

”You asked if you could touch me. Go ahead,” Chirrut said and leaned forward to capture Baze’s lips again, holding his face in both hands. Baze gasped into his mouth and Chirrut swallowed the noise with a happy hum, kissing him again and again. Slowly but surely Baze’s hands left their places at his sides and came to rest on Chirrut’s hips, uncertain and tentative but also heavy and warm. Chirrut sighed happily and released Baze's mouth in favour of pressing open mouthed kisses along his jaw and down his throat, making Baze’s grip on his hips tighten. Every little touch made heat spark in Chirrut’s core, every little sound tightened something inside him, like an instrument being tuned and he wondered how many people in the temple he would piss off if he made Baze moan as loudly as he wanted to. 

 

Yet something wasn’t right. After their initial shift to Chirrut’s hips, Baze’s hands seemed glued to their places, pressing down, but not moving an inch. Apart from kissing–which Chirrut gleefully noted was starting to have some physical effects on both of them–Baze seemed frozen in place. Chirrut passed his hand over Baze’s face only to find his brow crinkled in concentration. He broke the kiss with a huff, sitting back on Baze’s knees. 

 

”What’s wrong Baze?”

 

”What? Nothing, why would something be wrong?” Baze asked, seemingly honestly confused. Chirrut couldn’t help but smile.

 

”If nothing’s wrong why does it feel like I’m making out with a particularly enthusiastic sandstone statue right now?” Chirrut said and put his hands pointedly on Baze’s, still attached to his hips. 

 

”Oh sorry, I was just trying to remember something,”  Baze said shrugging sheepishly. 

 

”Remember what? This not exciting enough for you?” He said with mock offence.  

 

”Oh, it is! I was just uh, well…” Baze trailed off and Chirrut tilted his head in what he hoped was accusatory enough. Baze coughed.

 

”After last night I uh. Well, I thought about how if we were ever to do this, I probably wouldn’t be as good as the other people you have been with and- ” Chirrut cut him off with a groan and dropped his head into his hands. ”Baze kriff I- …okay go on.” Baze laughed nervously. 

 

”So yeah, um I wanted to be prepared so I went to the archives and uh, found some books about, you know,  _ doing it _ , a-and how to make the other person feel good so I was trying to go through them in my head just now, and I wasn’t really focused I guess.” Chirrut had perked up when Baze mentioned going to the archives and was now miserably failing at suppressing a smile. 

 

”You…you went to the archives…. and walked up to Master Dx-å and asked for books about fucking?” He asked, trying to hold in laughter. ”Do they even have those?” Baze’s face was burning. 

 

”Well, I didn’t use those words!” He said sounding insulted. Chirrut’s face hurt from grinning. 

 

”What words _ did  _ you use?”

 

”I asked for books about intimate interpersonal relationship health.” 

 

”And what did master Dx-å say?” 

 

If possible, Baze blushed even more. 

 

”He pointed me to the fourth corridor in the western corner and said that they have a whole section on sex guidance and that he should probably put a sign so people can just go there and he doesn’t have to know when his students are horny.” The laugh that Chirrut had been holding back burst out, loud and raucous. Once it finally subsided, he was holding his sides, eyes damp with tears of glee. Baze was burning like a furnace but his mouth was turned upwards into a smile as well, awkward and embarrassed but genuine. 

 

”Oh, my sweet Baze… reading sex guides in the dusty old archives, face lit up in flames.  _ That  _ I would have wanted to witness,” he said once he caught his breath, wiping his eyes and then bringing his hands down to cup Baze’s face again. ”But honestly? If you want to make it good for me, you need to make it good for you as well. You want me right?” Baze nodded vigorously against Chirrut’s palms and Chirrut laughed. 

 

”Then don’t think too hard about the books. And  _ definitely _ don’t think about anyone else I’ve been with either. I’m not with them I’m with you. Like I’ve wanted to be for so long,” he said with a smile, straddling Baze’s lap again. Baze's breathing hitched. 

 

”Think about me instead. Think about what you wanna do with me. Try thinking back on a moment when you wanted to touch me and then touch me like that. Please.” He leant in for a kiss, which Baze responded to enthusiastically. 

 

Slowly but surely his hands started moving, inquisitive and unsure but moving. His left hand slid up Chirrut’s spine, knuckles tracing the bumps with a lightness they didn’t usually possess. His right hand thumbed Chirrut’s hip bone thoughtfully for a while and then started moving up, splaying across his chest right over his heart. 

 

”You’re so strong,” Baze mumbled as his hand moved up Chirrut’s back and onto his neck, his shoulder, his bicep. Chirrut laughed against his mouth and squeezed Baze’s arms, thick with muscle.

 

”You’re the one to talk,” he grinned and Baze laughed as well.

 

”Mm but I mean it though? Remember that time you sparred with the Fy’l twins from the Northeast temple?”

 

”For the glory of our faction of course,” Chirrut said with mock modesty and Baze pinched his side, making him squeak.

 

”To show off. Everyone could see that. But I didn’t care because you were so wonderful. Every blow was strong, precise and still somehow so graceful, and you were laughing the whole time. I wanted you so bad then,” Baze said, almost too honest, and Chirrut felt something catch in his chest. As if on cue, Baze leaned in to replace his hand with a kiss, lips against his sternum, over his heart, humming as Chirrut gasped at the sensation. 

 

There was a tightness in him now. He felt breathless like something was squeezing his lungs, the same something that was lighting his core, burning him from the inside. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been turned on before but as Baze continued kissing across his chest and throat, mumbling strange honest heated confessions against his skin, he felt choked somehow, winded and gasping in a way he didn't remember feeling before. Baze’s hands seemed to have found their courage, touching him in most places they could reach and it wasn’t making him feel any more clear headed. One hand moved to cup Chirrut’s ass through the coarse fabric of his trousers, the other combed through the short hair at the back of his skull and pulled him into a kiss. Chirrut moaned, grinding his hips down against Baze's and they both made a noise at that, both hard at this point. Baze kept kissing him, and Chirrut kept moving his hips, wrapping his arms around Baze’s neck. Something about it felt incredible, even through multiple layers of fabric. Baze’s hand squeezed his ass and Chirrut moaned into his mouth, his breath coming in hitches and puffs. 

 

Whatever composure he had mere minutes ago was crumbling away. Every sensory input he was getting from Baze was overwhelming and wonderful and almost too much but he never ever wanted any of it to stop. Their kisses got sloppier and breathier and Baze’s hands got bolder and bolder, scorching with heat wherever they touched. Every hitched breath, every bitten of moan, every feeling of skin tightened that cord inside him until it felt like it was at its breaking point. He was almost painfully hard. His trousers dragged against his skin and a telltale wet patch had formed on the fabric as if his condition wasn’t obvious enough. Baze had a matching one thankfully, and Chirrut briefly giggled at what they must look like, rutting like horny teenagers. 

 

With confidence he would later not be able to explain, Baze’s hand suddenly cupped Chirrut between the legs and Chirrut nearly folded in half, gasping at the sudden contact. 

 

”Can I?” Baze asked into his ear, his voice sounding unsure but heated in a way Chirrut had never heard it before. He answered with a whine and a kiss, grinding into Baze’s hand at the best of his ability. Baze’s other hand moved from where it had been gripping Chirrut’s ass as he proceeded to try to open the ties of Chirrut’s sleep trousers, a feat which proved to be difficult as neither of them wanted to stop kissing for long enough that Baze could see what he was doing. When he finally managed to untie the knot he immediately got to work on yanking Chirrut’s trousers down below his ass, just enough so his erection was freed. With an unprecedented fearlessness and enthusiasm, Baze instantly wrapped his hand around Chirrut’s cock and they both moaned at the contact. 

”Force you’re so beautiful,” Baze mumbled, awestruck and reverent, pumping his hand experimentally once, twice, thrice-

 

And then Chirrut came between them with a shout, ruining the robe Baze was still wearing and gasping like he was about to drown. Baze worked him through it, kissing whatever parts of Chirrut he could reach and pumping his hand until Chirrut slumped against his shoulder. Baze awkwardly wiped his hands on Chirrut’s trousers and then brought them up to rub his sweat damp back soothingly. 

 

”That was… see I told you how into you I am,” Chirrut mumbled to the crook of Baze’s neck. ”Sorry about the robe,” he continued and Baze laughed. Chirrut mustered enough energy to kiss him, sloppy and off kilter but still.

 

”I don’t mind…that was great,” Baze said with a shy smile as they parted. He brushed some sweaty strands off of Chirrut’s forehead and Chirrut kissed him again, languidly as both of their breaths calmed down a bit. 

 

”I think I’m gonna have to wash the robe though,” he said after a while and Chirrut chuckled. 

 

”Well, you need to take it off then which works perfectly for me. You don’t think we’re done do you?” Chirrut said. His hands came up to peel the robe off of Baze’s shoulders and Baze shuffled forward enough so it wasn’t caught against the wall anymore. As he attempted to rid Baze of his clothes with maximum speed, Chirrut noticed that Baze’s heartbeat was starting to race again. He grinned and kissed him, delighting in the jump he could feel in the other’s pulse. When the robe finally came off, Chirrut held it up with triumph and then proceeded to use it to wipe the come off his chest before dropping it to the ground. 

”Chirrut that’s disgusting,” Baze said sounding scandalized again and Chirrut grinned, shrugging theatrically. 

”Like you said, it needed a wash anyway.” Baze’s frown was disapproving. Chirrut laughed against his mouth and kissed him again. 

 

”I have an idea, get up for a minute, ” Chirrut said breaking their kiss, and pulling Baze out of the bed by the hand, standing up himself as well. He quickly shimmied out of his now dirty trousers and turned towards Baze. 

 

”Take off your clothes and lie down,” he said with a grin. It took Baze a bit longer than normal to follow orders but he did eventually, and Chirrut smiled when he heard the mattress shift as Baze laid down on it. Smoothly, he slipped back into the bed and between Baze’s legs, hands moving to spread his knees just slightly. Baze was blushing again. Chirrut grinned and leaned down to kiss him, running both hands the length of his torso, from his broad shoulders to his chest, his belly, his hips, his flanks, grabbing and fondling whenever he felt like it. 

 

”Mmmm… you’re so  _ perfect _ …” Chirrut mumbled into the kiss. His hands travelled back to Baze’s belly, and then his hips, fingers pressing into the softness there. Baze was making those sweet little noises again and Chirrut hummed with delight at the broken gasp he was rewarded with when his fingers dipped down to smooth along Baze’s inner thighs, catching slightly on the soft skin and hair. He kept his hands there, making sure the touch was careful as he started pressing hot kisses across Baze’s throat, chest and further down until his lips were on Baze’s abdomen. Even without his sight, it was easy to tell how hard Baze was. He pressed an inquisitive kiss along the shaft and the noise Baze made was the best he had heard all day. He grinned and leant forward again to capture Baze’s lips, wrapping his hand around Baze’s cock. 

 

”Can I blow you?” He asked when he broke the kiss. ” _ Please? _ I really, really want to. I’ve been dreaming about it for  _ so long. _ ” He stroked experimentally and Baze let out a whimper, arching up to him helplessly.

 

”Yes, Chirrut,” he choked out, wonderfully hoarse. Chirrut grinned, pecked him on the lips and slid down. He settled comfortably between Baze’s legs, one hand around Baze’s cock and the other coming to rest on top of his fist gripping the sheets. Chirrut leant down, pressing kisses to the insides of Baze’s thighs where his fingers had been just moments before and then moved up to kiss along Baze’s shaft, ears tuned for every whimper and sigh the other let out. Baze tasted salty from precum and Chirrut licked experimentally on the slit, grinning when he was rewarded with a groan and a shudder. He hadn’t done anything like this in a while, certainly never without sight, but his memory was good with the subjects he cared about and Baze was delightfully receptive to everything he was doing. Moving his hand carefully in time, he closed his lips around the head and started to bob up and down, taking Baze experimentally in his mouth in slow and measured thrusts. Baze practically wailed, his whole body arching slightly off the bed. Chirrut pressed a hand to Baze's hip, forcing it down and hummed happily around the shaft, speeding his pace just a little. He felt Baze’s thighs start to tremble, his release apparently closing in on him fast.

 

”Chirrut- I-I’m,” Baze gasped brokenly and Chirrut got up to kiss him hard as he stroked him over the edge. Baze came, spilling on Chirrut’s fist and his own belly, moaning into the kiss. Chirrut kept kissing him even when Baze was too far gone to respond properly, and didn’t stop stroking him until Baze made it clear it had become too much. 

 

Once the trembling subsided and it was over, Baze flopped down on the bed, exhausted and spent. Chirrut reached for the robe on the floor to wipe them both and then threw it in the direction of the laundry basket. Baze didn’t have enough energy to disparage him for being disgusting again so he just laid down trying to catch his breath until Chirrut laid down next to him, snuggling against his side. 

 

He leaned in to trace Baze’s face gently with his fingers and was horrified to find his eyes damp. 

”Baze what’s-” he started but Baze shook his head, letting out a watery laugh.

”Don’t worry, I'm just happy,” Baze said and feeling for his presence in the Force Chirrut knew it was true. He radiated a glowing mix of happiness, warmth, disbelief and almost an overwhelming amount of affection. It made Chirrut chuckle and he pulled Baze into a kiss, thumb wiping the remaining tears from his eyes. 

 

”Hi,” Chirrut said as they parted, drawing a huffed laugh out of Baze. 

 

”Hi yourself,” he mumbled and wrapped his arms around Chirrut’s shoulder. Chirrut sighed happily and snuggled even closer.

 

They laid like that in silence for a while, listening to each other’s heartbeats as the temple bells tolled midnight and the desert wind scraped against the walls of the temple. Chirrut combed his fingers absentmindedly through Baze’s hair, against his scalp, to the nape of his neck and wondered how many couples like them the temple had seen before. How many reckless fools tangled up in each other had slept in its rooms, walked through its staircases, prayed in its halls. Many, he was sure of it, but no others as truly meant for each other as they were, he thought, ear against Baze’s chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart. 

 

”I love you Chirrut,” Baze spoke into the room like he had just read Chirrut’s mind. Maybe he had, Chirrut wouldn't be surprised. People thought that he was the one more connected to the Force, and technically that was true but Baze had the uncanny ability to almost always know what Chirrut was thinking, sometimes even better than he did himself. He brought a hand to cradle Baze’s cheek, smoothing over his eyelids, his nose his lips. 

 

”I love you too, my Baze,” he answered quietly smiling. Even though they had never said the words before, the sentiment felt familiar, soothing. The words were new to them but they rang like old truth, the kind they had both always known. He sent a small thank you to the Force, for letting their souls belong together like this and he could feel that he wasn’t the only one praying in that moment. Baze sighed and Chirrut kissed him again, soft and full of feeling. When they finally broke apart they were silent again, for once comfortable just feeling each other and knowing that the other was there. They stayed like that. 

 

They stayed like that for a long, long time.

 

—-

 

_ “Baze?” _

 

_ “Hmm?” _

 

_ ”Can I ask you a question?” _

 

A rustle of fabric, a hum of an engine, a smile too sad for a face used to better days.

 

_ “Anything.” _

 

A huffed laugh, a soft touch, a small sigh,

 

_ ”Do you ever regret any of it?”  _

 

A  pause.

 

_ ”You mean us.” _

 

_ ”I do.” _

 

A beat.

 

_ ”I have many regrets but loving you has never been one of them.” _

 

A tired smile.

 

_ ”I thought as much” _

 

_ ”How about you?” _

 

A grin, a touch, a hand finding another’s hand even without sight.  

 

_ “No. Not even once.” _

**Author's Note:**

> This took me a hundred years but it was worth it. All of the thanks to my Beta who is just the bee's knees. You know who you are. I couldn't have done this without you buddy. Also, my hand is cramping from writing so much and I need to take a reaally long break now. It was fun though :D


End file.
